The Last Mile is Always the Hardest

When the end is near, it can sometimes be too much to handle

Zac Ong / Unsplash

A while back, I ran the New York City Marathon. I knew I’d be tired and sore, but I experienced something else I hadn’t anticipated. For the first few miles, I was hopped up on excitement and nerves; I was so busy trying to settle into the pace that I didn’t even think about the finish line. Midway through the race, at about Mile 8 or 9, I felt myself steadying, and I pounded out each mile methodically, focusing just on getting through that mile, and then the next mile. Again, I didn’t think about the finish line at all. I couldn’t afford to, really, because I still had a long way to go and I knew I had to keep my mind on just putting one foot in front of the other, right then and there. I felt strong and swift and capable, undaunted by the remaining miles ahead of me.

Then I hit Mile 24. I only had two more miles to go — just a hop, skip, and a jump compared to all that I had already run — and I felt good. And yet when I saw that mile marker, I completely lost it. Suddenly, my legs felt like wood, my breath got ragged, and the realization that I had been running for four hours overwhelmed me, knocked me sideways. It was exactly the opposite of what I had expected. I had assumed once I got a whiff of the finish line, I would be electrified, coursing with adrenaline, and that I would fly the rest of the way.

Of course, I was tired by then, but this odd phenomenon of losing steam just when I thought I’d be recharged was more mental than physical. I had girded myself for those first twenty-four miles, resisting the urge to think about how long I had been running and how much longer I still had to go. I wouldn’t have been able to do it otherwise; I had to be in a bit of denial to keep pounding out the miles. But as soon as the finish line loomed, I dropped all those defenses, and the full weight of all those miles landed on me. Just when I should have been elated — I was going to make it after all! — I was undone. The last two miles felt much longer than the first twenty-four. It took much more mental stamina to complete them than the entire race until then had taken.

I feel like I’m on Mile 24 of the pandemic. In the beginning, the newness and strangeness of it was almost exciting — yes…