A War of Tiny Defeats
Why Covid Part 2 is exhausting
Obviously, there are the epic defeats that Covid has delivered— thousands dead, many more thousands seriously ill, economic devastation for countless others. Covid has been unusually cruel in that way. But for many of us, who have been fortunate in having stayed healthy and gainfully employed, it’s also been crushing in quieter, subtler ways.
The defeats for the lucky among us have been small, but each one has delivered a hard punch of realization that things are not normal, not at all. For instance, I often occupy myself — or rather, I often used to occupy myself — fantasizing about trips I wanted to take, and when the time was right, planning them. The actual taking of the trip was great, but the pleasure was a whole process of anticipation, strategizing, imagining; the experience of the trip was found in the combination of all those dimensions of before, during, and after.
Now, nothing. It’s not just that the trips aren’t happening; the emotional arc of travel isn’t happening, either, so we have none of the radiating effect of the experience to enjoy. That’s what accounts for the curious flatness of time since Covid. Our days aren’t marked by the anticipation of these big, desirable disruptions like travel that take up so much more than simply their allotted time. They used to take up mental space that…
